I had intended to complete the daily roadtrip blogs with a wrap-up on Tuesday, once I'd had a chance to get some actual sleep. But as you can see, that didn't wind up happening. Thing is, we returned into Worcester at 8:30am Monday morning, and I had work 3:30pm until midnight, as usual. I had missed my grandmother's 75th birthday while on the road (I didn't know that at the time, at least until my dad texted me Friday saying her party would be the next day). I then found out that at the end of the party, she was having some issues breathing, so the fam brought her to the hospital, where she was expected to stay for just a few days. I get embarrassed having phone conversations in front of people, so I decided to wait until I got home. Well, 24 hours of sleepless passenging tends to make you lose some memory, because it wasn't until Monday night, while I was at work, that I had remembered. So during my last break of the night, at 9:35pm, I give her a call. She was clearly very tired, but she recognized my voice and we talked for a few minutes. I wished her a happy birthday and told her to get some rest, the relaxation would do her some good. At the end of the call, she said, "Goodbye, Ricky. I love you." I finished my worknight then immediately went home and slept, in expectation of the first real night of sleep I'd have in over a week, before yet another 3:30 to midnight shift.
I was woken up sometime after 8am by my phone ringing. It was my mom, telling me that Mem had gone into cardiac arrest, and that it didn't look good. Not five minutes later I was fully dressed and on the road back to Lowell. I hadn't even reached 290 East by the time my mother called me back to tell me that she was gone, not twelve hours after I had spoken to her. I came to find out later that not only did every member of her family happen to see/talk to her within her last two days, but I was the last one she spoke to before it happened.
Mem was my fourth and final grandparent to pass away. As it turned out, that was the case for me and my sister, as well as all of our cousins. The rest of the drive home I couldn't help but think about the other times it had happened.
With Pep (my dad's dad), it was something everyone knew was coming. He had a few different cancers, and my father, aunts, and uncles had known basically when it would happen. At that same point in time, however, my parents were going through a particularly difficult divorce. In the end, my mother refused to let either my sister or me go to our grandfather's home where he lay until arrangements were made. Some things were said that definitively shouldn't have been, and with the emotions pouring out of everyone, by the end of the month my father had moved out. (Don't worry, we all get along just fine now, but it happened almost simultaneously, and the events are sort of fused together for me.)
With Nan (my mom's mom), it was the exact opposite. It was completely and entirely sudden and unexpected. I honestly don't even recall the circumstances by which she was found, but she had passed sitting at home in her chair. It turned out that the day before, her shih tzu had gotten away from her and she had to run full tilt to keep him from getting hit by a car. Exhausted, she went home and (from what I understand) had called my mom and aunts. What pains me to this day is that when she called my mom, she and I were heading out the door so I could get my learner's permit. She passed while we were out. (For that very reason, I feel eternally grateful that I was able to talk to Mem before she had gone. I would feel a million times worse if I had simply put off talking to her for one more day.)
With Grampy (my mom's dad), it was a combination of the two. An extraordinarily unexpected stroke did some serious damage, and he slowly degraded over a period of months. His speech became simpler in strange ways to the point where his vocabulary eventually dropped to a single, random, encompassing word (one such word, "c'mon", wound up inspiring Dane to write a song about it, which for the life of me I can't find else I'd link it here). Over time he developed several cancers, until his body couldn't handle it anymore.
I picked up my sister and made it to the hospital. It was the first time I'd ever seen someone so soon after they'd gone. It's a truly uneasy experience, for those of you who have not gone through it. The day was a blur, and eventually I went to work and made work arrangements so I could be at home for the wake and funeral.
A week later, and here we are at Thanksgiving. And while everyone enjoyed each other's company, there was still a noticeable difference without Mem there. Here's the thing, too. I've felt for a long time like sort of the black sheep of the family (both sides). Not unwelcome, not different, nothing like that. Just distant. I've been so focused on life out here in Worcester that a lot of the time I forget about things back in Lowell. So I'm taking the initiative. I'm working on being a more active member of the family, and a better friend too. Freshman year I was "Justin's Phantom Roommate", and five years later I'm turning that around, because I don't want to be absent from the lives of the people I care about anymore.
So I'll hopefully be around a lot more, dear friends. That said, November has been extremely difficult to get through, which is interesting in that November tends to be the month where the shit starts pouring most years, My first break-up was in November, my infamously weak moment / worst decision ever came in a November, and probably the most unexpectedly and exhaustingly complicated situation I've been in wound up landing in November as well. Just a few more days, and it'll all just be another page of the calendar. At least, I hope so.
And please don't tell me "perhaps, perhaps, perhaps",
rickie-d
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