Weeks ago, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert announced their events that eventually became The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear. The momentum was high, and people all over the country made plans to convene on the National Mall in Washington DC in celebration of... well, that part wasn't entirely clear. One thing was certainly clear though; this was going to be a historic event.
My party left Worcester just after midnight on Friday, pointed straight at DC with hopes of getting there early enough for a good spot in the rally. By 9:30, the crowd was already so full between 3rd and 4th Street that the area was fenced off and only allowed those with family and friends inside, so my compatriots and I managed to eke out a spot near the front-and-center of the next segment between 4th and 7th. Those who arrived early were treated to a number of pre-event videos, primarily featuring The Saga of the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear. Thousands of people showed up with handmade signs and costumes, but most came simply as themselves.
And then, at the stroke of noon, out came The Roots and John Legend, performing a number of songs to warm up the crowd. It was about this time those around me started murmuring about some kind of opening comedy act that was shrouded in secrecy. It didn't take long to find out what they meant, as out walked Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman of Mythbusters fame. While they did a number of "scientific" tests including hundreds of thousands of people making cheek pop noises and the world's first man-made groundswell, the real shocker came when they proudly proclaimed that the crowd had already been estimated to at least 150,000 attendees. Later reports by reputable news sources, independent studies, and so forth took it a step further, claiming crowd sizes of over a quarter million, outright dwarfing the only scientific estimate of 87,000 of Glenn Beck's Restoring Honor rally (and substantially overtaking the 60,000-attendee permit Comedy Central applied for). The most scientific estimate thus far claimed the event attracted 215,000 attendees.
After causing one hundred 35mph car collisions' worth of force on the ground (according to the seismologist hired by Savage and Hyneman), the attendees were treated to a heartrending singing of the national anthem by four members of the US Armed Forces. While Jon Stewart took a more traditional stage entrance, Stephen Colbert decided to enter by escaping from his bunker "two thousand feet below the stage", by way of a replica capsule from the Copiapó mining rescue mere weeks ago.
The stars were out for the rally, as well. The benediction was given by Don Novello as the iconic Father Guido Sarducci, followed by Law & Order's Sam Waterston reading Colbert's poem "Are You Sure?". Later on, former flight attendant Steven Slater and The Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice spoke about trying to act more calmly in stressful situations like their own, and Tim Meadows made a video appearance as PK Winsome. Musical guests filled out the event as well, including performances by Yusuf Islam and Ozzy Osborne; The O'Jays; Mavis Staples and Jeff Tweedy; Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow and T.I.; and Tony Bennett.
At various points during the rally, Stewart and Colbert gave out medals to distinguished individuals who exemplified reason or fear.
Jon Stewart's Medal of Reasonableness recipients included:
- Armando Galarraga, for his response to Jim Joyce's incorrect call losing him a perfect game.
- Velma Hart, for her poise while asking President Obama a series of very challenging questions at a town hall meeting.
- Mick Foley, for despite his appearance and profession steadfastly standing up for the little guy.
- Jacob Isom, for preventing the public burning of a Qu'ran in a non-violent manner. Isom, after receiving the award, celebrated by throwing it into the attending crowd.
Stephen Colbert's Medal of Fear recipients included:
- News groups, who denied their employees the right to attend The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, including ABC News, CBS News, NBC, and (most shockingly) both The Associated Press and National Public Radio. The medal was received by a seven-year old girl, who was declared as having more courage than any of the aforementioned news groups.
- Anderson Cooper's black tee shirt, for seeming to follow and/or herald immense disaster wherever it travels. The shirt itself accepted the medal.
- Mark Zuckerberg, for creating a privacy-eliminating product that has integrated itself into the lives of millions. Colbert himself accepted the medal.
When Jon Stewart stepped forward to make his keynote speech, it was interrupted by Stephen Colbert, challenging him to a climactic Formidable Opponent. In this the mother of all Colbert debates he even released his Fearzilla, a large papier-mâché Colbert floating behind the stage powered by a relentless montage of pundits on all sides attacking each other, the President, the world, and the public while pointing fingers and blaming the problems on everyone else. Oh, and flip-flops. Yes, the sandals. It took an appearance by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and R2-D2 (who challenged Colbert's generalized fears about Muslims and robots), and the entire audience chanting "Will this help?" to finally defeat Colbert, who exited the stage dragged by Jon Oliver in Peter Pan regalia. Fear was dead, and sanity had won.
The crowd fell silent as Stewart began his real speech. While the day had been strewn with comedic and musical acts aplenty, Stewart was quick to point out that we are, despite our best intentions, in a dangerous position. "We live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus, and not be enemies," Stewart stated. "The country's 24-hour political-pundit, perpetual-panic 'conflictinator' did not cause our problems, but its existence makes solving them that much harder. [...] If we amplify everything, we hear nothing."
The media is flying through a whirlwind of panic, to rile up the masses in an attempt to use radicalism to induce change, but it doesn't need to be this way. Change can happen without fear, and it can happen without taking sides. And in these tough times, in this world gone mad, it's hard to stay sane.
"If you want to know why I'm here and what I want from you, I can assure you this," a choked up Stewart addressed the crowd in closing. "You have already given it to me. Your presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be and has always been in the eye of the beholder. To see you here today and the kind of people that you are has restored mine. Thank you."
Even in tough times, while surrounded with paranoia, we can still agree on some things, little as they may be. But progress takes time, and it takes effort, and it takes patience. We all want a piece of the pie, but we have to learn to take turns.
You go, then I go.
You go, then I go.
It was a real treat to be invited to report on the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear for The Towers. Thanks go to Dan Suitor for setting it all up. Soon to come Check out this later post for a bit more behind the scenes of my trip to Washington.
From sea to shining sea,
rickie-d
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