It wasn't long after midnight that we found ourselves hunting and foraging like drunken cavemen. At an uncomfortably large gas station / fast food joint / souvenir factory, Selig found himself in the possession of four-dollar beef jerky, a prize apparently identical to the three and six-dollar varieties. To call it edible would be like calling the pope a half-retarded vampire tranny. Only correct in the minutest sense. We came to the disturbed conclusion that the texture fell between paper and mulch. So from this point forward, this foodstuff will be referred to as beef pulp.
We then found ourselves stopping for the night at a Holiday Inn in Grantville, Pennsylvania. Upon entering the building, we knew right away that something was amiss. Maybe it was the abandoned front desk. Maybe it was the Annual Llama Gala. We may never know for sure. But after walking through an abandoned hallway filled with posterboard setups that would mildly pique a third grader, I think it may be a combination of the two.
Back on the road, Virginia was mostly uninteresting. That is, until the state troopers decided yankee season was open. Our driver, Laferriere, was pulled over for driving 86 on a 70, apparently "reckless driving", which carries no comfortable number of penalties and violations.
Eventually we escaped Virginia, and entered Tennessee. Come to discover Tennessee is a big fan of any flammable materials they can get their hands on. Whiskey, gasoline, fireworks, and sometimes all three in the same place, as Chatanooga was a bit too happy to inform us of.
A fifteen-minute detour sent us into Alabama as planned. And then the world betrayed us. Our Tomtom was still quite confused that Daylight Savings Time had ended. It read 1:22 while the car knew it was 12:22. So imagine my stunned surprise when I looked at my phone to discover the time was 11:22. Good God, man, we're in Central Time. Fuck. "But Indiana is further west, and it's still Eastern Time." Yes it is, my learned compatriot. Yes it is. Don't ask me why it's the way it is, I didn't invent time. Midnight rolled in and we checked into the Holiday Inn the festival parked itself at, sleep washed over us like a heavy drink.
Welcome to the jungle,
rickie-d
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